Parenting through this pandemic has been harder than I ever imagined. I'll admit that I've been jealous of those without children. I've thought about how if we didn't have Iris we would barely have left the house, how we'd have curled up and binge watching tv in peace. How much writing I could have done, how much more creative I could have been, how much tidier the house would have stayed. I feel so guilty for having such thoughts but I know I’m not alone. Being a parent is hard. We need play dates, soft plays and library sing-a-longs. Coffee dates, visiting relatives and sleepovers at Grandma’s are the fabric of our everyday life. It’s what keeps us sane. They say ‘it takes a village’ and they aren’t wrong. We’ve survived 10 long months without that village and that is something to be proud of.
I’m at the point now where the fear of the virus is almost the secondary issue. It’s the disruption to everyday life that I'm finding the hardest to cope with. The constant shifting of the goal posts. How life one day is drastically different to the next. I struggle to process the ever-changing rules, the do’s and dont’s of each tier change, what’s legal in one county and not the next. Though I acknowledge that all what’s being done is necessary it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with.
Iris has picked up on the anxiety and it’s a very fine line when it comes to explaining a deadly virus to a child without scaring them. She has picked up on our anxiety surrounding Dan still going to work and has declared 'mummy is the only one that makes me safe from germs’. We’ve had tears, sleepless nights and an intense clinginess. Maintaining a sense of normality for Iris brings it’s own worries for us as parents. Visiting the local park brings Iris so much joy but with it comes worry about contamination. Iris loves going to preschool, it boosts her development, her self-esteem and helps her to forget the things she’s lost throughout this pandemic but again we worry about contamination. I feel guilty that we are in a position to send her to pre-school and others aren’t.
Despite how horrific the last 10 months have been there have been moments that have shone through the darkness. The brightest of which is how proud I am of Iris. She's been incredibly understanding of how she can play her part in making things safer. She happily uses hand gel and offers it around. She understands that touching things increases risk and she's taken the pre-schools new rules in her stride.
It has been, and will continue to be, the worst time of our lives but she's managed to make us smile and keep us going. I feel sure that her waving at my grandparents as she walks past their house is contributing to keeping them sane. You can see the boost she gives the postman and neighbours as she waves and says 'hello'. It's little things like that that keep the sense of community alive. We're living behind masks and standing 2 meters back, society may never have been so far apart but all it takes is the smile and wave of a child to bring us back together.
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It has been so hard hasn't it? Trying to explain it to the kids without them freaking out. I mean life is so different, we can't shield them away from it because their lives have been turned upside down too! So lovely the way she has adapted to it and cheers people up on their days :) #livingarrows
ReplyDeleteI hate the disruption. It's like life is on hold. I feel like we're just in limbo. Like you, I've really envied those without children. I would have watched ALL the TV and lived off junk food! x
ReplyDeleteIt's been a year that no-one will ever forget hasn't it? I think the children are all coping with it so well - mine are a little bit older so maybe understand a bit more but it breaks my heart to hear them talking about all the things they want to do when 'the corona has gone away'. I just hope that everyone sticks to this latest lockdown and it won't be too much longer until things start getting back to normal. You definitely aren't the only one who has thought about how much easier lockdown would have been without kids to look after though!
ReplyDeleteWe feel constantly in limbo here but I am trying to stay positive and pray 2021 is kind to us all.
ReplyDelete#LivingArrows