1.30pm- I was 10 cm and I was able to start pushing. As the diamorphine had begun to wear off I was aware of the pain again. It was all still in my back and bum, still nothing at the front or down below. I physically couldn't move, the pain was so intense I couldn't even get to the toilet which led to my bladder having to be emptied manually several times- that is a very strange sensation.
1.30pm- After 2 hours of pushing and repeatedly bringing the baby right down it was determined that intervention would be needed. All of a sudden there was a flurry of activity. There were doctors, nurses and theatre prep happening around me. A sense of panic that I could feel. It was explained to me that an episiotomy and forceps would be the safest option for the baby. I was scared but I knew I needed help.
1.42pm- My baby was delivered and placed straight onto my chest. Daddy, the man who had been so strong for the last 18 hours broke down in tears. His child reached out and grabbed his finger. The baby looked at me with wide eyes. The midewife asked daddy if he could take a look and tell mummy whether we had a son or daughter but daddy was too overcome with emotion so I took a look and said to daddy 'It's a girl. It's Iris'.
1.42pm Onwards- Time seemed to stop whilst I got stitched up. We just stayed there, me, daddy and Iris in a perfect bubble. At that moment it didn't feel like i'd been through a traumatic birth, the realisation of what i'd been through wouldn't happen until later. Once I was stitched up, Iris got weighed and dressed. Daddy rang both sets of parents to let them know that their grandchild had arrived. We didn't specify whether it was a boy or girl, we wanted to prolong the suspense a little longer.
Daddy marvelled at his new baby daughter whilst I got showered. It was the best shower I'd ever had. It looked like a murder scene, I was sore all over and absolutely exhausted but it was so nice to feel clean and put clean clothes on. I was so grateful that the pain in my back had stopped that everything else felt easy. I got out the shower and had tea and toast. I almost went on autopilot, sorting myself out whilst my beautiful baby had some time in an incubator. My mum, dad and grandparents were the first to be introduced to Iris, then Dan's parents and his sister. It was amazing watching the joy on their faces.
We were moved to the ward where we were left to digest what had happened. We were parents, I had actually given birth. Our daughter was laid sleeping at the side of us. We settled down for the night, our little family, happy, proud and so in love.
To Be Continued...
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Thank you for supporting me on my journey to raise awareness about mothers on the autistic spectrum. We do exist, we just need people to know we do!