Autistic & Pregnant: How To Practically Deal With A Miscarriage

This is the post that I wish I didn't have the knowledge to write and I hope you never have to read. Sadly, miscarriage is incredibly common, happening in 1 in 4 pregnancies. It happens for a myriad of reasons which I'm not going to debate here. I will simply reiterate what you have already been told...it wasn't your fault and there is nothing you could have done.

Experiencing a miscarriage is the most physically and emotionally difficult thing I have had to go through. It is the most awful thing we have experienced as a couple and it was heart-breaking telling the family that we had lost our baby. We did however survive the heartache and I wanted to share with you a few simple and practical things that can help get you through. It may seem insensitive to discuss the practicalities of a miscarriage and I can't prepare you for the devastation you will feel but I can try to take some of the unpredictability out of the experience.

Below you will find information on the practicalities of dealing with a miscarriage.

Stages of a miscarriage

• Noticing that something isn't right. That could be bleeding, pains or instinct.
• Seeing a medical professional, that could be a GP, midwife or A&E department and being referred on to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit
• Investigating what's happening via ultrasounds, blood tests and internal examinations and confirming whether a miscarriage is occurring/likely to occur.

Things I wished I'd known

• It doesn't happen like it does on TV. It can take days before a miscarriage is confirmed and weeks for a miscarriage to be complete. I always imagined it would be a gush of blood, a burst of intense pain and it would be over. My miscarriage took five days to be confirmed and three weeks to be over.
• It all happens at home. Again, I blame TV for the assumption that you miscarry in a hospital with nurses to help you deal with it. Unless there are any complications you are sent home with a leaflet and not even a pack of painkillers.

Practical Tips for Dealing with a Miscarriage

• Ultra absorbent sanitary wear- you will bleed heavily throughout your miscarriage. Your normal sanitary wear will likely not be absorbent enough to deal with the amount you will bleed. You will also need plenty of them. The bleeding is heavy and prolonged.
• Painkillers- Get Ibuprofen and Paracetamol so you can alternate every two hours. You will more than likely need to do this for the first few days once the pains start.
• Do what you need to- that might be going to work or it might be staying home curled up watching box sets. There is no right or wrong way to process this so do what feels right for you. If you need to stick to your meal plan then go ahead and cook. If you need to eat take away for a week then do so. Be kind to yourself and don't let anyone tell you how to deal with it.
• A Hot Water Bottle- This was invaluable for pain relief and comfort.
• Rally your support network- prior to my miscarriage our dog wasn't allowed on the sofa. During the miscarriage he joined me for cuddles everyday. I needed that attachment to 'my baby'. My partner missed the match and my mum cooked and did the washing and cleaning. No one will begrudge helping you as you go through this- if they do then they aren't your support network.
• Be prepared- This is going to be immensely difficult for you, your partner and everyone around you. Sometimes just knowing that can be a help.

I am truly sorry that you've find yourself reading this post and I wish you a speedy recovery from both the physical and mental effects that a miscarriage has. All the best,

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